Good-bye, Grr Grr.

On September 21, Jason's beautiful, sassy, wonderful grandmother (Grr) passed away.  She had been in poor health, and stuck in bed for months, so it was a blessing that she was able to go, quietly and in her sleep with her son, Kent by her side.  Oh, how she will be missed.  Her beautiful house, full of collections of all kinds, freezer full of Dibs, pantry full of Coke products.  She was sharp as a tack, and seriously spunky.  I feel so grateful that she was able to meet our little Harper Katherine, and that we were able to see her in July.  Bessie will be so greatly missed.  Love you, Grr.

39-er!

An incredible birthday surprise- a letter from Jason's Grandma Bessie, postmarked on the day she passed away.  What a treasure!

Jason's mountain biking buddies after the birthday ride.  Our tradition includes a ride with his friends, then returning for homemade pizza and all kinds of root beer.

Happy birthday, Jason!  Next year you'll be an old man.  You might have to ride your jazzy up Green Canyon instead of your bike.  Just kidding!  You are the youngest 29-year-old ever!  Love you!

Have you hugged your Gallbladder today?

I have to tell you about the last week or so.  It is already like a dream to me, the way painful experiences are.  A bad dream, but a dream nevertheless, fading from my memory day by day by day.

Sooooo, Sunday night we watched a slideshow of Lee's recent trip to Thailand to visit his friend, Pete.  I had a bit of a stomachache after partaking of the amazing dinner:  Navajo tacos.  I didn't think much about it until the next afternoon, when I felt like I really needed to lie down for a bit because the stomachache was worse.  At 5:00 it was time to take Bennett to piano lessons.  By the time we made it to his teacher's house, I was in intense pain.  On the way home, I had to pull over and get out of the car, thinking I was going to throw up or die or something.  I was literally kneeling in the gravel for what seemed like an eternity.  The kids were screaming in the car, and I couldn't even get words out to comfort them.  I couldn't breathe, and could only say one syllable at a time.  "O- help- Har-per-"  pant, pant, moan, moan.  I finally had a little break in the pain, enough to get home, pull in the driveway, and crawl up the stairs to the bathroom.  Fortunately, Jason's Mom, Linda, had just arrived at our house.  I had to ask Owen to have her get the kids out of their carseats, hold screaming Harper, and basically keep the peace while I writhed in pain on the bathroom floor.  I moved from room to room, changing positions, finding no relief, for an hour and a half or so, until I had the presence of mind to take some Lortab.  

In hindsight, I should have gone to the ER.  But at the time, I had no idea what was happening to me.  I thought perhaps the kidneystone I have lingering in my kidneys was trying to pass.  I had never thought about my gall bladder in my entire life, I don't think.  But when I called Dr. Isaacson the next morning, he was pretty sure that's what it was.


So Tuesday afternoon brought blood work, and scheduling an ultrasound.  After my ultrasound, which showed a bunch of stones in my gall bladder, kind of like little gravel, Dr. Isaacson called me.  He sounded calm, but with an edge to his voice.  He had made me an appointment with the surgeon and was very worried about my liver.  I went over and met with the surgeon right away.  He was perplexed by my case and shocked by my liver functions.  Or malfunctions, I guess I should say.  We looked at the ultrasound together, and he realized the ultrasound tech had not picked up on the fact that I had a stone blocking the common bile duct.  So that's why my liver function numbers were sky high.


He admitted me to the hospital because at that point, I was seriously jaundiced.  Yellow eyes and all.  He considered sending me by ambulance to SLC for a procedure to remove the stone, but ended up letting us drive down instead.  Phew.  So I met with the doctor at LDS hospital who is an expert at this procedure, which involves sending a scope down your esophagus, into your stomach, up into the common bile duct to make a tiny incision which would allow the stone to come through, past the stone, and then uses a balloon to gently pull the stone on outta there.


The procedure went great.  I felt fantastic for about 10 minutes afterwards.  They took out my IV, I got dressed, Jason went to get the car, and suddenly I started to have some abdominal pain.  Within minutes I was once again writhing in pain.  The doctor came in, and from the look on his face I knew he was very worried.  He knew immediately that I had pancreatitis.  I had heard about pancreatitis from well-meaning nurses at Logan Regional who had told me that it's what you DON'T want to get.  It can cause extended hospital stays, excruciating pain, and even death.  Sweet.


So I was admitted to LDS hospital, and put on pain meds right away.  The first round didn't even touch the pain, so they increased it the next go-round, and I was able to relax a little.  Every hour through the night I was given doses of whatever it was to take the edge off the pain and help me sleep.  Eventually I could go 3 hours in between doses, which is when they sent me home with a new bottle of Lortab.


The worry was now to rid my body of pancreatitis, and get that gall bladder out asap.  It didn't work out quite as fast as I had hoped.  We checked into the ER at Logan Regional on Labor Day for more bloodwork, and hoping to have the surgery.  Unfortunately, I had a temperature, and all my pancreas numbers were still high.  So once again I was admitted to the hospital for fluids and antibiotics.  At this point, I hadn't eaten anything for a full week, and I was really hungry.  Hungry to the point of depression.  I was allowed ice chips that day, but nothing else. It really was the worst day for me.


The next morning brought good news.  My bloodwork looked good, and I was put on the schedule for surgery.  Yay!  Who knew I would ever be excited about surgery?  But I was.  So that afternoon at 2:30 my gall bladder and I were separated from each other.  All went well with the surgery, and by the next morning I felt pretty darn good.  I ate a wee little bowl of cream o' wheat to celebrate.  It was probably the best thing I've ever eaten.


(Worth noting:  I have discovered that pain is relative, and that there is always such thing as more pain than you can imagine.  Since April I have had natural childbirth, kidney stones, gall stones and pancreatitis.  I will tell you that natural childbirth is not the most painful thing our bodies can experience, and at least you get a good prize at the end of your sufferings.  I have a pretty different scale for pain now.  A scale of 1- 10 just doesn't seem broad enough.  My pain last week definitely went to 11.  Name that movie for bonus points.  But as I was leaving the hospital with pancreatitis, feeling very damaged and fragile, I waited for Jason next to a paper-thin, very frail-looking cancer patient who appeared so old and tired I couldn't believe it when his wife came to pick him up.  She couldn't have been much older than me.  I know that there is pain, physical and emotional that I haven't even scratched the surface of.)

NOW- that was the chronological run-down for you.  Here is the emotional side of it:

I am the luckiest girl alive to have a mom who will do anything for her kids.  Anything.  She is an angel, and anyone who knows her will tell you this is true.  She left work and drove up the minute I called when I was first admitted to the hospital.  She took more than a week out of her regularly scheduled life to be with us.


Harper had never had a bottle before this time.  My Mom worked wonders with her, and now Harper chugs formula like a champ!  My Mom cooked, cleaned, made lunches, took kids to school, got up with Harper at night, and a million other things that I would have done but couldn't.  Imagine the relief it gave me to know everyone was being cared for every moment I was away.  There is no way to say in words the deep gratitude I feel for her, my mom.  My hero!


Jason was by my side through most of the hospital crap.  He kept me laughing the entire time, even when I just wanted to slide into a despairing funk.  He is the best husband and Daddy.


As you might imagine, I had some time for deep introspection and analysis of what I'm doing with my precious time as a mother, wife, daughter, friend in this world while I was stuck in bed with IV fluids dripping away.  I had moments of clarity, and moments of real, intense fear.  But mostly I was struck by the beauty and fragility of life.  All I wanted was to go home to the chaos.  To hold my babies, cuddle with them in bed.  Eat a big bowl of ice cream.  Never worry about my weight again.  Sing more songs.  Read more scriptures, gain more knowledge, pass more knowledge along.  Ride my bike more.  Write more letters.  Be nicer to mean people.  Everything.  I want to do everything!  

So there you have it.  My life goal:  to do everything.  Who's with me?

Milk wagon.

Today I was reading about 4-month milestones for baby and other interesting tidbits when I came across some tips for how to help  your baby transition from breast to bottle if you want to make that switch.  By the way, I am not planning to make the switch because I am too lazy.  But, I came across this sentence which totally blew my mind.  I have never heard this, and I don't know how they know it is true, but here it is...

"Your baby can smell your milk from at least 20 feet away, so it may be best to remove the temptation, even by leaving the house."


WHAT?!  My baby can smell my milk from at least 20 feet away?  That is insane.  I feel more like a dairy than ever now.  And the wording that I am a temptation for my baby is so funny to me.  Such a temptress!

Wisdom.

I have loved reading comments from my last post about bows.  I love you friends, not just for making me feel like I am not a completely lame mom, but also for giving me new perspectives into mothering.  I feel like all your responses could and should be published for the world to read.

Seriously.  

I love it. 

I'm feeling more confident already.  So don't be surprised if you see Harper wearing some pretty fancy finery in the future.  Also, don't be surprised if you don't see her wearing some pretty fancy finery, because I'm pretty lazy.  But I will know that y'all have my back either way.  For that, I love you all.  And right now I might break into song:  "That's What Friends are For!" 

My life is a music video.

Do you ever hear a song and think it is the perfect soundtrack for your day?  Yep, me too.  My playlist is going to tell you how I'm feeling lately.  What I want to say to my kids, what I feel secretly in my heart, or what I want to sing out loud while driving at high speeds.

Who knew Dave Grohl would sing my motherhood anthem?

A word about bows.

Note:  I am leaving the children's faces out of these images to protect their identity.  

Alright.  Anyone who knows me well also knows that I have never liked big bows on little babies.  They have been known to be called them "brain squishers" amongst my sisters, close friends, and myself.  Of course I continued to refer to them as such while I had 4 little boys.  Then suddenly, a girl is born in the Lambert household, and I am now so conflicted!  

Confession:  Sometimes I like them.  

Now let me elaborate.  I think as with everything, there is such thing as over the top.  BUT, last week I had Harper wear a plain headband with a simple little daisy attached to it.  It was darling.  Let me relay my Relief Society neighbor's comments to you.  (The carseat where Harper was sleeping was facing away from her when I first sat down.)

Sister so-and-so:  "Oh, she's getting so big!  You don't have her wearing one of those brain-squishers do you?"

Me, turning Harper around sheepishly:  "Yes, we get all dressed up on Sunday, right?"

Sister so-and-so:  "Oh my gosh!  I HATE those things!  I think they are just horrible!"

Okay.  Thank you for that.

Next experience.  Last night we traveled to Ogden to celebrate my awesome mama's birthday.  It was Sunday, and Harper was wearing a plain white headband.  May I note that it was NOT TIGHT, nor was it gaudy.

Aunt so-and-so:  "Oh no!  Have  you got her wearing one of those brain squishers?!  I just can't stand those things!  When (her granddaughter, who shall remain unnamed) brings her daughter over with those things on her head, we pull them off as soon as she leaves!"

At this point, Harper, who has been sleeping, begins to stir.

Aunt so-and-so:  "Ohhhhh, poor baby!  Is that thing squishing your brain?"

Okay.  Not sure how to respond.  I did remove the headband, but now I'm wishing I would have gone and gotten some massive flower to attach to it at that point.

So what is the moral of this story?  I don't really know yet.  I'm still sorting out so many girl-baby issues right now.  I will say that as with any preconceived notion any of us has in life, it is bound to be challenged at some point, and we may even have to admit that we are wrong.  

As for big bows, I don't know what it is about them that gets people's danders up, but it's kind of funny.  Kind of, now that it's me they are accusing of child abuse by using them in my first and only daughter's hair!  Step off, people!  I don't know what I'm doing here! And I didn't know so many people would share their opinion with me!

Another summer come and gone...

Looking back over the summer is maybe more fun than actually living it.  Isn't that sad?  I have recently felt myself rising from the haze that encompasses post-partum days, grateful for cooler temps and a baby who sleeps all night.  In short, I'm starting to feel like myself again.  Phew.

Here is a sampling of our summer adventures:

In June, the Olsen family took a trip to the Oregon Coast.  We basically reenacted our childhood trips there minus the tent-trailer, (beach house instead)!  Digging in the sand, jumping in the ocean totally clothed, Mo's, Aunt Belinda's, kites, tidepools, and Andy making us laugh.  It was the best time.

I was able to teach some art this summer, which makes me crazy but happy.

The fourth of July was festive.

Jason ran the Logan Peak race- a 28 mile ultra trail marathon. I passed a kidney stone the same day, so I think we had about the same amount of fun.  ;)

Lots of neighborhood friend time.  Karaoke in the front yard, lemonade stands, and hanging out.

We camped overnight with Kate and Andy at Bear Lake.  It was a quick trip, but so fun.  The kids were in heaven with all the dirt, water, sun, and junk food.

Our annual trip to Bellingham was absolutely gorgeous.  We had weather in the 70's the whole time, perfect for relaxing at the lake, which we did every day for about a week straight.  We also had the luxury of traveling to and from the reunion in the PROBAR RV, which is totally sweet.  Thanks to Jules and Sara for letting us tag along!

Harper met lots of new family members in Washington!  She liked them all.

We came home in time to welcome little Hudson Blue, my sister Jaime's new baby.  He is so absolutely precious.  I am so happy for her!

Leslie and Zee made their annual pilgrimage to Utah, which was a complete blast.  I love Leslie, Zee and family.  They are the easiest people in the world to get along with, and we had such a great time at Bear Lake, the pool, and just hanging out.  

Back to school?!  I'm not sure where the summer went until I look back over these photos!  We sure crammed a lot into a couple of short months.  No wonder I'm so tired.

The most awesome thing happened in June.  My college roomies Becca, Jenni and Rose came for lunch one day.  Words cannot express how much I needed this visit.  It was so good to see these girls and attempt to catch up and reminisce all in one afternoon.  There is never enough time, and we vowed to do it again, but it is harder now with 12 kids between the 4 of us.  (Okay, most of those are mine.)

I don't know how much I thought about it at the time that I took these photos, but as I was editing, I realized how beautiful they are.  My best girlfriends' daughters holding my new little daughter.  I wish for each of them that they may find friends in life like I have.  My friends are my estate.

Blessing Harper Katherine

I got a little emotional before church in my room getting Harper ready to put on her blessing gown. In my mind's eye I saw way down the road, helping her get ready for future white-gown events. She is already so precious to me; I can't imagine how I'll feel when she is baptized and then married. The time is going so fast!

Sweet little shoes. She was blessed in the same gown Jason and all his siblings were blessed in. Bennett was also blessed in it, along with other Lambert cousins.

Want to kiss her? Me too.

Happy family after church.

Look at all those cousins!

I love this picture of Harper looking at Owen with one eye.

All Harper's Utah aunties were there for her special day!

Nikki, Kate, Brooke, Harper, Cami, Sara & Jaime.

And 3 Grandmothers in attendance too! Katherine, Linda and Deb.

Oh, how I love my parents. And oh, how they love Harper.

We had such a fun day. People sat around eating and visiting for hours and hours on end. It was wonderful. And it was the one sunny day in a string of rainy, cold ones, so we felt lucky. That must be a good sign, Harper!

Finally!

I have been wanting to paint our living room for years now. Literally years. I have had paint samples hanging up on the wall for almost a full year, and every time Jason's mom comes to visit she asks if I've picked one yet.

Well, I got fed up with myself for never making the time to just do it. So a few days before Linda and Deb were coming out for Harper's blessing, I went to Home Depot and bought paint. We tried a few samples, and ended up going with the color I had originally chosen. It is called Gull Green, and it is sooooo beautiful. I love it, love it, love it, and wish I had done it long ago.

People thought I was nuts to start such a project with a newborn, but it was just what I needed. I felt like I had actually accomplished something beyond just day-to-day survival. I love it every time I walk in the room.

Here is my friend, Chris, who heard about my project and came over wearing paint clothes and holding a paintbrush, ready to help. I couldn't have done it without her. You can see the old color here, along with one of the samples we tried.

Finished product:

The color is a little off in all the photos. Please come to my house to see what it really looks like. No really, c'mon over!

Saying goodbye to Adams...

We have made the incredibly hard decision to switch schools next year for the boys. We were given the opportunity to send them to Bear River Charter School, formerly the Cache Valley Learning Center, where I used to teach art waaaaaaayyyyyyy back in the day. They have been a private school, so we never even considered sending them there because, hello, expensive. But next year they become a charter school, and we have decided to try it out to see how it goes.

Are the boys excited? No. No, they are not. In fact, they are downright mean about it, and I don't blame them. I am nervous too! I am sad for them to leave the school we walk to and from every single day. I am sad for them to leave their friends, whose Moms I am friends with too! There are so many great things about Adams Elementary. I have friends who were afraid to send their kids to this school there because of things they have heard, but I am here to testify that Adams Elementary is an excellent school, and we have had a great experience there. Who knows? Maybe we'll be back there again someday. But off we go to explore our options.

As my mom said, there are so many choices now. When I was in grade school there was no choice. There was your neighborhood school, and that's just where you went! Now there are lots of choices, and sometimes it is hard to know which one is best for your child. I still don't know if we are doing the right thing, but here we go.

Here are some of the boys' last days at Adams:

Here is Owen's class going to the cafeteria together to prepare them for first grade. Look at all his cute friends!

Mrs. Garrido was Owen's fabulous, excellent, beautiful teacher this year.

Owen and his best little buddy, Peter Grunig. (The principal's son!) He is such a cute boy. This is them at their year-end program.

I was a little emotional picking Bennett up from school on his last day with Miss Ruby, our next door neighbor. Walking to and from school with the Mohrs will be sorely missed.